By Stacy – student in May 2010 Sonship School

My dad had told me that If he’d have known what I was gonna be like when I was born, he’d have flushed me down the toilet. He humiliated me and shamed me for years on end. I felt zero value or worth. I was stunned that you would be concerned about offending me.

I started filling out your survey, but it was just no use. How do I comment on this week? What could I possibly say or suggest that would improve this ministry?

When I walked through the door Monday, I felt welcome and at home. I also had absolutely no self-esteem, not poor or bad self-esteem, but none. Written on the first sheet of this tablet, on the first day of this incredible week is this, “I know God says I will go to heaven, but I don’t expect to. No matter how hard I work or how right I am, I am unredeemable.”

My dad had told me that If he’d have known what I was gonna be like when I was born, he’d have flushed me down the toilet. He humiliated me and shamed me for years on end. I felt zero value or worth. I was stunned that you would be concerned about offending me. Who am I that I should be offended at anything you say or do?

Its Thursday night now and its been an exhausting week. My body is weary from the stress and strain of travel and anxiousness, but my heart is alive and my mind full of the hope of Truth and Love. I called my 14 year old son, who is so strong and full of life, to tell him that he is so worthy of my love and to tell him that I wanted him to play football in high school next year. You see, I had told him he couldn’t play because I hate sports and was always bullied by the jocks, but it’s his passion and he is mine.

I have thought God has a special purpose for my life, but didn’t know how I was ever going to do it. My heart is for the hurting people of our church. That’s like almost all of them. Now I have the source, the blessing, and the love to give to them. Because I am redeemed, I am loved, and I am worthy of His love. Tomorrow I am supposed to learn about orphan hearts and stuff. I know I’ll learn more from that, but what I’ve already experienced is joy in itself.

My dad died May 5, 2010 just five days after agreeing to come attend Shiloh Place. The last words he heard were me saying, “I love you dad.” Now thanks to all you wonderful people the first words I hear every morning are, “I love you son.”

How can you improve this ministry? Grow. Please.