No Stranger to the Dark

I know that many of you have probably seen the movie, “The Greatest Showman.” I personally have not seen the movie, but I bought the soundtrack for my kids who saw it, and the soundtrack is ah-mazing! There is a song called, “This Is Me.” Here are some of the lyrics:

This is Me

I am not a stranger
to the dark
Hide away, they say ’Cause we don’t want your
broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed
of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you
as you are
But I won’t let them
break me down to dust
I know that there’s
a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ‘cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

The Sharpest Words

As I was listening to this song, I remembered that some of the sharpest words ever spoken to me came from myself! We are often harder on ourselves than anyone else is. I think one of the reasons is our culture. Our culture values the best and beautiful. We value the athlete, model, or actor, showing very little value to the first responder or soldier who ran into danger. We look past the broken families that these people left in their wake of PTSD-induced brokenness. Veterans litter the streets, and no one wants to know their stories. We take choices from our children, making all their decisions for them to ensure they make the right ones! Decisions that don’t make us look bad. They aren’t allowed to make a mistake. Mistakes can be ugly and cost too much. They cost too much pride or take too much time to repair. Some don’t want their child to miss out on something, but then the lessons get put off until the cost of learning them is much higher.

The truth is, we learn from our failures. They are opportunities to grow and change and learn that our identity is not in our mistakes. When God loves us anyway, through a mistake, that is a powerful thing! Falling down and getting up again is what makes us stronger. God’s love is made perfect when He meets us on that ground. God’s love is made perfect when He helps us to stand. Often times we see ugly circumstances in a person’s life and let that define our perception of them. Your perception of others who have fallen flat on their faces says more about who YOU are, than who they are. Who do you want to be?

Limping Along

I love Jesus, but I also get angry. I love Jesus, but I cuss a little. I love Jesus, but I yell at my kids sometimes. I love Jesus, but sometimes I make poor decisions. But, I love Jesus, still. When my dad didn’t get healed of cancer, it left a chasm between myself and Jesus. But I love Jesus so dearly that instead of walking
away, I spent years trying to bridge that chasm. I have cursed at God from my own immaturity, not being able to see the whole picture, being led by my woundedness. People will sometimes say I am too raw and too messy. As a result, I have compared myself to other speakers and leaders who don’t appear as messy or broken as I perceive myself to be. I have to remind myself that is a perception. I have spoken to many of these other speakers, and they have experienced brokenness. My journey has left me with a bit of limp. It looks awkward and overly pronounced at times. Kinda ugly and definitely not elegant. Some may look at my limp as something that invalidates the message God placed in me instead of focusing on the fact that I learned to walk with God again.

But that limp is what helps the broken feel safe with me. That there are still broken and raw parts of me, makes me safe.
I am unashamed and that makes some uncomfortable! I walk very well with the broken in this world, because “I am not a stranger to the dark. I don’t hide away and I am just fine with your broken parts. I’ve learned NOT to be ashamed of all my scars. My God loves you and me just as we are. When the sharpest words want to cut me down, I am going to send a flood God’s perfect love and drown them out. I am brave. I am bruised. I am who I am meant to be.”

But I also won’t sit in my own filth. I get knocked down, but I also get back up! I don’t let my own sharp words and comparisons keep me down. I don’t let other’s perceptions keep me down, either. I do me and follow my King. I stay in my lane, trying not to judge others or myself. We are all in process; some are further along, and some are not. Right now, I am working on finding things to be grateful for instead of berating myself for failures or perceived messiness. I have been encouraged to share my journey more publicly. On the Shiloh Place Facebook page I have started to do Facebook Live videos. They are random, as my healing comes at random. I am going to show you my broken parts as I walk through my healing and change. I want you to see that Jesus is not ashamed to be called your brother, no matter where you are in your process. He wants to fix ALL your broken parts and make them golden. You have to let Him close first.


18 thoughts on “No Stranger to the Dark

  1. Kaye Hauser says:

    So proud of you again today Sarah. I received much healing from your Dads ministry. Now I’m so excited to watch you bloom❣️❣️❣️

  2. Linda Caple says:

    I love your transparency. We are fairly new to your ministry. We have listened to the Slavery to Sonship and love the teaching. We are excited to be are coming to the Power of the Fathers Love next week!! See you then!!

  3. Linda Caple says:

    I love your transparency. We are fairly new to your ministry. We have listened to the Slavery to Sonship and love the teaching. We are excited to be coming to the Power of the Fathers Love next week!! See you then!!

  4. Grace says:

    Your vulnerability and honesty are so deeply appreciated by me and many others, I am sure. God bless you, Doug! Thank you, fellow person in the healing process…

  5. Gordy Rollins says:

    Sarah from one broken and a little messy to another, thank you. Your openness and honesty , touched me and encouraged me. again Thanks

  6. Janet says:

    Thank you for sharing Sarah. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. Love and blessings to you. Hope to see you in April in Milwaukee area.

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