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I have a confession to make to you.
Sarah and I have gone to bed quite a few times with issues between us.
But, Ephesians 4:26-27 (CSB) says,
26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the devil an opportunity.
I used to hear this taught that you need to settle things with people right away. You don’t want to go to sleep having an unsettled disagreement because the devil will cause a divide. I remember how overwhelming that felt. I thought it was just because I wasn’t good with conflict but it was exhausting just thinking about the idea.
But the real issue here is our anger. Notice it doesn’t say “don’t let the sun go down while you have an issue with a fellow believer.”
It says,
“don’t let the sun go down on YOUR anger.”
So the problem is not relational difficulties. It’s anger. The problem is our maturity.
When we go to sleep angry with someone we give the devil an opportunity. This is exactly what we don’t want. So, how to not let this happen:
“The first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it does exist.” - Zig Ziglar
Most likely what we have done is to attempt to NOT be angry. We tried to stuff it. And now when we try to relate with that person we operate from a position of anger. We can’t think straight. We can’t see the situation rationally. OUR anger is clouding reality. Now the enemy has a foothold in YOU. And this affects more than the one relationship. It affects your well being.
This was me. I grew up angry. I was a Christian now and I didn’t do angry unless it was focused on the enemy (so self righteous).
I would have an issue with Sarah or Trisha in particular and I would try to pretend the anger didn’t exist. I gave up on that pretty quickly though. As I realized it was obvious that I was angry. But it was because I was scared of my anger. I was afraid of what would happen if I allowed it to come out.
You know what happened when I decided to be angry? Not much. I know, kind of disappointing. I got mad, grunted, threw my hands in the air, yelled, and that was kind of it really. Nothing even got broken.
What I find absolutely fascinating is that verse 28 starts off with “Let the thief no longer steal.” As you continue reading you can see that Paul is talking about actual thieves. But, I can’t help but think of John 10:10 (CSB)
A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.
Think of it as a great prompting to not let the Thief steal from you!
So be angry, let it out! Throw plates(not good ones and not at people) in your garage, scream in your car by yourself, twist a towel while you do it, punch a punching bag, whatever allows you to be angry.
So after all of the mayhem and destruction of your anger has been released into the air. Then come back to a centered place and allow God in to help you find a resolution.
Sarah and I have had our share of opportunities to sleep on our anger. And I have done so in the past. But, we have had more times when we have gone to bed with an issue that is unsettled, but we weren’t angry anymore. Realistically, you are not going to fix many relational issues in a day. I think we realize this.
The key to winning against the enemy is that you don’t let him trap you in anger. Look at the situations you face as opportunities to grow and mature. It's part of our discipleship process and further discovering who we were created to be. Be curious!
There are many issues that cause anger over and over in relationships like a porn addiction, excessive drinking or unfaithfulness in marriage. But when you can deal with the anger you have in that moment, when you can empty yourself of that present rage, you can return to a place where God can speak to you and bring healing and wisdom.
Shiloh Place is soon releasing a series of filmed conversations where we talk to some couples who have fought that long battle. These are honest conversations with real people who walked through painful life experiences and how they survived and thrived. In the first series, Keith and April Jones, will talk about acknowledging feelings and how that helped them to heal. Look for those to begin releasing in mid August.
So, go be angry and don’t let the enemy get a foothold in your mind and will. Don’t let it take you out of your identity as a kingdom person, a beloved child of God. Empty that anger out and be a ready vessel for the Father’s powerful healing love.
Blessings,
Doug
P.S. - Take action in discovering how you hide anger and short circuit your identity. Join us for our Finding Identity Interactive Webinar, August 10-13, 2020. For details visit https://www.shilohplace.org/finding-identity.
PO Box 4987
North Myrtle Beach, SC 29597
info@shilohplace.org